Monday, April 16, 2012

Date with El Cheapo, the dog whisperer

Second man- this one, two dates!

As you can imagine- date number one was successful otherwise date number 2 would not have occurred. But, oh the disappointment! I swear, it was like I went on a date with another person.

The first date happened in a bar- it was very pleasant and relaxed. It ended a little abruptly when he said he had to go as he had to take his dog out. He repeated the fact he was worried his dog would poo in his absence many times. But, I did not think much of it- he was nice, honest and fun. What's a little poo talk during the first date? Not that bad right? I should have known better.

Date number 2 was organized a few days later- the idea being we would go for a walk and I would get to meet his puppy. That's his dog, not his genitals.

So, I travel out to the boonies where he picks me up. The dog was quite excited to meet me which it showed by nipping at my hands- FYI that fucking hurt- but I kept it to myself. She was just excited to meet me right?

So, we go for a walk. But, things are stiff. The conversation that is, not his genitalia. I don't feel particularly comfortable. Things are about to get worse when we start discussing nationalities and race. Now, I am not racist by any definition, in fact I have serious issues with any sort of discrimination. So, when he started to talk about the black slaves in the United States and human rights, I thought I would chip in my two cents on how they were treated. Except, it came out like this: "Oh, but when they arrived they were not considered people. They were slaves-so they had no rights". I thought I was only contributing to the conversation with regards to the horrific treatment of these prisoners....but he thought I was expressing my own opinion on black people. Which resulted in a mortifying 20 min whereby I was trying to convince him I was not a terrible racist.

I got out of that you would think we could laugh that off- but no. I still think he did not believe me. Anyhow, we change the conversation and start talking about travelling. He is chatting away when all of a sudden he says with a fierce authoritative tone "POOP!" I am shocked for a couple of seconds and then muster the strength to say "I beg your pardon.." His response "No, not you. I am teaching my dog to poop on command". Yes, that's right- you can't make this shit up- and visibly neither could the dog- here I was on a date with the dog whisperer teaching his dog to shit on command. Imagine the power trip he must feel- I felt sorry for the dog.

So- here I am walking around some park, on a date with a guy who thinks I am a racist and who randomly shouts out "POOP", sometimes in mid-sentence (either his or my sentence- that did not seem to bother him).

We finish our walk- and you would think I would be a smart cookie and ask to head home. No- I decide to go for dinner with him. The place is OK- not up to my snobbish standards, but not many places are. He says it is genuine ethnic home cooked food- I seriously doubt it. I still cannot believe the portions served here. Anyways, during dinner we are talking about grocery shopping- he keeps saying that us Europeans are so different in our ways..blah blah blah. He's never been to Europe, so I let him go on about how us Europeans live. And then, he blurts out what any woman most desires to hear: "I am cheap" Why does he say that? Well because I had just said I would prefer to pay a few more dollars for quality instead of quantity. He disagrees...

Needless to say, it was clear that El Cheapo and I were not going to go on that 3rd date. And to his credit, he did send me a nice text the next day telling me he did not feel any chemistry and wished me all the best. I thought that was the sign of a good man who at least had the decency not to lie to me. So, I wish him all the best with his quest to find true love and to make his dog shit on command.

In the meantime, I have deleted his number and look forward to meeting new men and have new adventures.

Bye bye El Cheapo. The search continues....

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