Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The Art of Seduction Part 1

On my way home from work today, there was a busker playing the electric guitar. He was really into it- giving it his all. He loved his tune and was rocking it....that is, the theme tune of The A-Team. Great tune, don't get me wrong- . This reminded me of my university years and weekend clubbing.

Why, might you ask? Well, in the UK, you have clubs that have "cheese"nights, which bascially means they will play all the top pop tunes- recent and past. Those were good nights- very boozy..being drunk was a requirement not only because this is England, but also, you had to be pissed in order to enjoy and dance on such classic tunes as "Hit Me Baby One More Time", "I would walk 500 miles" and the like. Bare in mind, that this was also the opportunity of seducing and "pulling" (a British term to mean hooking up with someone). I will discuss courtship in the UK in another post- but tonight- I wish to express my amazement at the lengths men will go to to seduce and, more importantly, what they think will make a woman swoon and fall to her knees (not for that...pervs).

So, in this club, every friday was cheese night. Every friday, I was there with my friends. Come 2am- everyone is plastered and it's pretty much your last chance to get some action for the night. And, you know, you would think a club would put some kind of slow, melodious tune to get the mood going. Well no. Lights up. Clear the dancefloor (which by now is covered by broken glass, spilled drinks and other unimaginable crap.) And here comes the show ladies....Blaring is the A-Team theme tune. Suddenly, men go wild with hormones, booze and desperation to attract one of us ladies. And yes, you guessed it girls- what is the one thing that seduces us most in a know, that thing that we immediately associate with pure virile manliness, that makes us want a man more than anything in the world....Forward Rolls!!!! I bet Brad Pitt, George Clooney and all those heartthrobs are masters when it comes to forward rolls..right? I mean, that's why they are so anyways....back in the real world club:

These men were fighting it out to see who could do the most forward rolls on that disgusting dancefloor. I'd never seen such a thing- grown men, showing off by rolling on the floor, cutting themselves on the broken glass....incredible!

And the best part....when the A-Team theme tune ended, the men, covered in the shit they had picked up while frolicking on the floor, would look around at us ladies with that proud "did you see that?! Now imagine what I can do with you" look. - Yeah, I've always dreamed of pressing my face against a booze, sweat and shit soaked's a right turn on.-

So then, these lads would shake hands and give man-hugs to the other male participants- congratulating each other on their manliness. We, the women, were of course all swooning- mostly due to the copious alcohol we had consummed- completely stunned at this display. I was never impressed, perhaps I am too difficult to please and my standards are too high- which would explain why I am still single. But, I have to admit, it was pure entertainment!

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